Yardwork

I write this with hands bent like claws, 2 Advil on board and sheer exhaustion running up my back...Gardening.

I have never done much of it until last year. Then, I planted my first "flower bed", and when the nice spring rains made everything burst into bloom and spread out this year, I was hooked. I planted 4 square vegetable gardens, and enjoyed that so much, I turned my eye toward my front yard.

I researched, measured,  watched every Yard Crashers episode, drew out plans, bought, bought and bought more stuff and off I went! (on a side note,I think Home Depot & Lowe's pay HGTV / DIY network to run subliminal messages just to me)
2 days into hoeing up weeds so that the weed prevention fabric could do it's job (I know, that's stupid, huh?), I realized a few things about myself:
1. I am no longer 16.
2. I am no longer in good shape.
3. I am creative.
4. I am cheap.
5. I am not above paying 2 teens that are both young and in shape to dig weeds for me.
6. It takes a lot of focus to not be distracted... SQUIRREL!...

 Needless to say, My eyes have gotten bigger than my gumption! No, I couldn't just replace the ugly bushes with pretty ones, I had to decide that since the huge pecan tree is so close to the house, why not incorporate it into the edged-off layout? And how about making the sidewalk to the door appear wider by shoveling a yard of river rock into a 4x15ft area- to soften the angles, you know. Oooooh, and let's look into placing step-stones through  it so there is a path to the side yard instead of walking around that lovely tree? Soften the line of the house with a 2 tall shrubs, plant 6 bushes, and 20+ flowering plants/grasses....oh, but first we (as in ME) must weed, rake, level, shovel and cover with fabric....
I'm tired. I paid 2 teen boys $20 a piece to finish most of the weeding and raking for me while I shoveled rocks. This is expensive! No wonder I have always been satisfied with weeds and some bulb flowers!

Here's a conversation I had with myself at H.Depot..."Ok, Self,  I need mulch now...Llama, you can't ride on the flat cart now, I have to stack the mulch on there. No. No. No.NO. NO! OFF!...ok, now what kind to pick? Hmmmmmm, well, I don't want colored. Ok, now of the 6 other varieties, I don't care for the huge chunky kind. Mark off 2 more. LLAMA, GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW WITH THAT CART!! Thank you for picking up the bushes that blew over, that was nice of you...STOP SWINGING OFF THE BOTTOM OF THE SHELVING!!! It could fall on you and squish you flat dead!..Where was I? Oh, yeah, ok, so hmmmm, these 3 all have the same amount, from 3 different kinds of tree wood....Hmmmm, I wonder why this one is $2.47 and this one is $2.97? And the one that is $2.97 is stacked up tall, the others are nearly gone....is it bad? Not good mulch? Hmmmmmmm...Llama, I know you are thirsty, just a minute and I will take you to McDonald's when we are done (yeah, I bribe sometimes- what of it?) What? You don't have to potty. You just went! Oh, come on- it's all the way in the back of the store! (I started whining here) OK, fine- let me stop everything so you can go pee for the 3rd time since we got here...(10 min. later) Yes, you were right, I'm sorry, you did have to pee. Ok, focus- MULCH- if I go with the cheaper one, is it cheap as in yuck?  
Let me ask someone....Oh, yes, Hi- I want 6 bags of this one. LLAMA, STOP CLIMBING ON THE BAGS, You're tearing holes in them!!!!!...Sorry about that- Why is there so much of this mulch and not the others? Oh, just restocked it..ahhh, gotcha. Yes, and I was wanting something for a Xeriscape, something native to plant on the corner of the house. Oh, that is nice (sneak peek at price) OK, well, let me look around- not quite sure if that's what I am looking for...LLAMA, STOP PICKING ALL THE FLOWERS OFF!...Thanks so much for helping me! ....and off we go...

Wasn't that a lovely experience? Now do that 4 more times this week, and I think you will have sympathy for me and be at my front door in the morning, ready to help finish this garden that I have fought so hard to get done!
WHAT? They do it on Yard Crashers!

Good night, all...