Llama causes Mama Trauma

On a side note away from my 'Fruit-y" post, I would like to discuss a certain little girl.
This girl, Llama, Llama, Girly Drama, is almost 5 now, and two years ago she was excited to be a flower girl in a beloved friends wedding. She did a wonderful job and was beautiful in her creamy white "wedding dress". To help her understand what her job was in the wedding, we told her it was her job to help her friends get married. She twisted that around and still tells people that she is already married, she married Szalan & Ryan. I began thinking perhaps we had watched one too many Disney Princess movies...

This leads me to yesterday. Yesterday, my sweet, innocent, lively bundle of love finally let her curiosity get to her....and she played kissing with a certain 'younger man'. She has been preoccupied with kissing since that wedding 2 years ago, and when she sees her parents kiss, however briefly, she tries to get us to give her, "long kisses on the lips". Again, one too many Belle and Cinderella movies.

SO, I find her letting this boy smooch her belly. I almost fainted. Perhaps a slight overreaction, but there was my angel baby and this boy- who is also a wonderfully perfect child- smooching. Barf. When asked what they were doing, the boy said, "playing cowboys". I knew who the instigator of this game was, so I turned to Llama and did that dumb thing, I asked her, "Who's idea was this?"

(Now that left me open to all kinds of outrageous replies, I know, but every once in awhile, a parent just says one of those crazy sayings, like "stop it or I'll give you something to cry about", or the world wide best parent-ism, "BECAUSE I SAID SO!")

Anyway, Cowboy just sat there with gigantic blue eyes and hem-hawed around, while Llama stuck her chin out in defiance. I separated the two since it was nap time anyway, and while tucking Llama in, I asked again, like the thunder-struck mother I was.

She replied, in the dramatic way only a 5 yr old Llama can, "But Mommy, I LOVE him!" Scarlett O'Hara hung her head in shame. Juliet wept with the beauty of it! Carey Grant & Deborah Kerr (from An Affair to Remember) gave a standing ovation. I almost cried.

Later, I called her father to report that our daughter may need intensive therapy, and that I needed a sedative; then, after all the children I care for were gone for the day, I approached the subject again... I know- I was asking for it...

I told Llama, with her father's sage advice, that she was too young to be kissing boys, that her kisses were for her family only and that God gave us our bodies as a very personal, important thing to take very good care of. She was not to kiss boys. Period.

To which she replied, "I will stop kissing boys if you stop bossing me around." On a side note, I think this was a typical attempt to test boundaries because she has been telling her brother and father that they aren't the boss of her lately, but the timing was very bad for her to choose to try this out on me...

To my credit, (yes, you may applaud here), I guess my blog about patience yesterday helped Llama stay alive with narry a sore bottom (ok, ONE swat) because I simply sat down and again explained to her that her parents would be her bosses for a long time because God gave her parents to care for her and help her to learn which things are good and ok, versus bad and rotten. This sent her off into a discussion of how scared she would be without us. So, the crisis was over....for this day.

Later,at church, my darling husband wanted the parents of the Cowboy o'Love to know that he had just bought himself a future bride. To much chuckling, we parents joked and made light of a childhood adventure... but this Mama is too freaked out to not be worried about a certain Llama in 10 years. For now, I am considering a ban of all princess movies, boys and perhaps even lips in the house. Check them at the door, please, so that I can survive. Thank you.

(where's the muzzle... super glue...key to the cage...)
sigh.